In my last post I discussed the idea that a good therapist has two jobs: first, to create a functional, connected relationship, and second, to gradually address and resolve the client’s problems. In this post I’ll attempt to identify some of the relationship skills tha...

Talk therapy is talk. When people complain it’s “just” talk, they mean if therapy doesn’t lead to some kind of change then therapy is useless. It might feel good and it might be “interesting,” but if the person doesn’t create or experience any change then how was thera...

When I ask people what’s made them seek therapy, by far the most common answer is “I’m stuck.” Few people come when their problems start; most people try try try to solve them themselves, but are not able to. And like a vehicle sinking into mud with tires madly spinnin...

A long time ago there existed another diagnosis crudely named the “As-If Personality.” The “As-if” Personality, now folded into the diagnosis of “Borderline Personality Disorder” (BPD), was described by psychoanalyst Helene Deutsch in 1942. She was led to create the di...

I’ve worked with many individuals who in different ways and for different reasons, did not like their feelings and would constantly attempt to avoid, ignore, or change them. These strategies never worked (in the long term), because we cannot rid ourselves of our emotio...

Prior to starting my private practice, I worked for an agency serving homeless teenagers (and, to a lesser extent, helping young adults with transitional housing). In the three years I was there, I spoke with over 500 adolescents, and almost all of them reported chroni...

My friend Paul lives in Las Vegas, he and his wife both teach psychology at the University of Nevada. In the last few years I’ve gone out there many times to guest-lecture in Paul’s classes, talking about borderline personality, trauma, homeless adolescents, and what i...